MINI-RANT #09 - HOW TO FIX BASEBALL

So, if you've been following the sports news for anything other than Dodgers news, you know that baseball, the sport we all love, is currently dealing with scandal after scandal involving Performance Enhancing Drugs, or PED's.

I'm against their use, and I believe baseball isn't doing nearly enough to stop it. If you really want to make a profound difference in the fight, here's how you do it:

First failed test: One year suspension, no appeal. Your contract is immediately voided, with the money your team would have paid to you going to help pay the pensions of those who came before you. At the end of your suspension, you are eligible to be re-signed, but only by the team you previously played for, and at a maximum salary of no more than 25% of your original contract, or the major league minimum, whichever is more. If that team chooses to pass on you, then you're eligible to be signed under a system similar to the current waiver system, which means the crappiest teams get first shot at you. After two seasons, assuming no further infractions occur, you are a free agent, and free to sign with whoever would have you, and at whatever salary they're willing to pay you.

Second failed test: Lifetime suspension. No appeals, no second chances. You're out of professional baseball in America. Maybe Japan or another league somewhere else will sign you, but since most of those leagues have agreements with MLB, I kind of doubt it will happen.

It's a harsh system, but most pros believe that the only way to put an end to the problem is to make the cost too high to pay. If a player knows the financial costs of using is limited to the pay lost during a suspension, there's no real penalty, especially for a player under a long-term, high-dollar deal. He can simply serve the time, get his body back to 100%, and then pick up his contract right where he left off...which is why so many big names continue to do it.

Now, on to the problem of fighting in baseball...

This is an even easier fix. Recently, Ryan Dempster of the Red Sox took several shots at Alex Rodriguez in what many believe was a statement against cheaters. While no punches were thrown, and only Joe Girardi, manager of the Yankees, was thrown out, the benches cleared, and the players from the bullpens came running in to add to the problem. How does baseball prevent these time-wasting clusters of stupidity?

First, stop trying to tell the pitchers how to pitch. Allow the players to police themselves. In the old days, if a batter showed up a pitcher by taking too long to round the bases after a home run, or stood at the plate too long admiring his shot, his next at-bat, that hitter knew he was going to see a pitch come for him. The pitcher in question took his shot, and if it hit the batter, fine. If it didn't, the message was still sent, and everyone was happy. By taking that weapon out of the pitcher's arsenal, you're giving the batter an unfair advantage.

Everyone knows pitchers like to establish their dominance of the inside part of the plate. If the ball slips and gets too far in, the pitcher gets a warning. If it happens again, he gets tossed. Pitchers have as much right to the inside of the plate as the batter does. That's the beauty of baseball. At its core, it's a battle between a pitcher and a hitter. If the umpire takes a weapon from the pitcher, the batter has the advantage...

So, let's say that our pitcher hits your batter. If your batter charges the mound, the only players that should be allowed to back him up are the players in the starting lineup. If you're the utility infielder, keep your ass in the dugout, or you're tossed and fined. Same with the defensive team. The only players that get to participate are the ones on the field. Now, you've got a 9-on-9 brawl. That's much easier for the umpires to control. Oh, bench coaches and base coaches are not players. They're not allowed to participate either. If they do, they're gone.

Few teams are going to risk injury to a star player, or more importantly, losing their best late-inning defensive guy because he jumped off the bench and got his dumb ass tossed for fighting.

Once the smoke clears, and the players handle business, the umpires can dole out ejections as warranted...but neither team loses key players, because they've taught them to think before they react. A small thing, really...but it makes a huge difference.

Finally, instant replay. Everyone agrees the technology is there, and ready to be used. I agree. Here's how:

If a play obviously needs review, the team set up at the central offices can signal within a certain time, and the play is reviewed automatically. I personally think each stadium should have an office set up to monitor the game, and reviews should be managed from those offices, and not New York, as the current plan calls for. The reviewers are hired, trained and paid for by MLB, and answer only to MLB.

Each manager gets one challenge for every three innings. Challenges do not carry over into later innings, so if a manager does not use a challenge, he loses it.

A failed challenge is exactly that. There is no argument, no debate. If a challenge fails, the game goes on. Argument results in ejection.

A successful challenge allows the manager to retain the right to challenge again during that 3 inning span. However, this only happens once. If a manager challenges, wins, then challenges again, win or lose, the challenge is lost.

These rules apply during the first six innings.

At the start of the seventh, a challenge is available once per inning. If it's not used, it does not carry over. If a challenge is successful, that's it. No more challenges that inning.

All plays other than balls and strikes are reviewable. ALL PLAYS. Arguing balls and strikes is still an immediate ejection.

The review office has the right to review all plays, and will have the ability to communicate with the home plate umpire to relay its decisions, or request an on-field review.

If a challenge is not initiated within 45 seconds of an umpire calling time out and stopping play, the right to challenge is forfeited, and no challenge will be allowed. Any attempts to stall or delay the challenge will result in the batter at the plate being assessed an automatic strike to his count. If this will result in an out, then it results in an out.

Are these ideas perfect? Hardly. Will they work? Absolutely. Anything is better than what we currently have...

MINI-RANT #09 - OVER

MINI-RANT #08: Jeopardy and the Whiny Child

I'm a fan of Jeopardy. I'd like to think I'd do well, but I'd have to get really lucky on the categories I was playing in, or I'd get swamped...really quickly. I freely admit it.

I was watching the recent kids tournament. Normally, I find the kids tournaments to be as exciting as watching dry paint get drier. However, there wasn't much on the crappy TV I'm currently forced to watch, so I hung in and played along.

The eventual winner, Skylar Hornback, had already amassed a very impressive $36,600 going into Final Jeopardy. The category was "The Civil War", a category noted to be one of Skylar's interests. The chances of his missing the question and losing were pretty slim, at best, as the eventual second place winner, Thomas Hurley, went into Final Jeopardy with $9,600.

Thomas spelled his answer incorrectly. The rules state clearly that an answer does not have to be spelled correctly, but if the spelling changes the pronunciation of a word in the answer, than the answer is incorrect.

He got the answer right, but his spelling of "Emancipation" added a "T" after the "P", clearly changing the pronunciation. Was it badly misspelled? Not really. Did the misspelling change the pronunciation? Clearly, it did. Say it with me: "e-man-cip-ta-tion". Obviously, the word is wrong, and he was rightly penalized for the error.

The winner got the answer correct, and spelled it correctly as well. Remember when I said he went into Final Jeopardy with $36,600? His wager was $30,000. Yeah...you read that right. $30,000. Skylar apparently has balls of steel, and a perfectly understandable level of self-confidence most kids his age wouldn't even be able to imagine, let alone possess.

Thomas has gone on record as saying he feels cheated, and should have gotten the answer right. I say this: too fucking bad, kid. Grow a set and man up.

You were wrong, according to the rules of the game you were playing. More importantly, IT DOES NOT MATTER. You had ZERO chance...say it with me, here...ZERO chance of winning. The category was one that happened to be an area of interest for the winner, and I would imagine there was little to no chance he would have gotten it wrong. The point remains, he got it right. HE GOT IT RIGHT.

The second he got it right, YOU LOST! Even if he had bet absolutely nothing, he had nearly three times what you would have had, had you been given credit for the right answer you clearly had, but just as clearly misspelled. You were destined to be the first runner-up...plain and simple.

My real issue with all of this is the fact that so many people have lost sight of one simple fact: even if he had been given credit for a right answer, he still would have lost. He had no chance once Skylar got the answer right.

His mother is fanning the flames of this mini-controversy, claiming he was embarrassed and humiliated by Alex Trebek, who called his mistake "badly misspelled". Was it? Not in my opinion, which we all know is worth its weight in gold. He added one extra letter...and changed the pronunciation of the word, which was a violation of the rules.

He should be embarrassed for spelling the word wrong. However, he didn't lose a single penny. He won exactly what he would have won with a correct answer": $2,000, the standard payment to the second-place finisher.

People need to stop blaming Jeopardy for Thomas' mistake. More importantly, they need to stop claiming he should have won. There's no chance he would have...the math doesn't ever add up. The stupidity of the masses strikes again, and instead of teaching Thomas the importance of knowing how to spell, the masses would rather award the intent. 

Imagine, if you will, the plaque at the base of the Statue of Liberty. Now, imagine if the maker misspelled words, and instead of demanding corrections, we simply shrugged, and accepted the error as is. The world would laugh in our faces even more than they currently do.

At the end of the day, is Jeopardy going to take the $66,600 from Skylar? Not a chance in hell. Is Thomas going to have to settle for second place, and $2,000? Yes.

Sadly, Skylar's impressive win, which was nearly a record setting one-day total, is being overshadowed by Thomas, his mother, and the whining of the huddled masses, too stupid to understand basic math. This whole thing would really make me despair for the future of humanity, if I didn't already think the world is going to hell in a hand-basket. As it is, the end draws ever nearer...

MINI-RANT #08 - OVER.